Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day from a future adoptive mother to all of you mama’s out there. You brought life into the world, a holy vessel that gives creation a new dimension of immortality—a little beautiful soul. And then, as only you know how, you bring these little persons up in faith and grace and charity. 

As I sit here on Baby C’s due date anxiously awaiting news of her arrival I think of her birth mother, bringing her to life and protecting her and sustaining her while she grows and develops. I am thinking about how much Baby C needs her. And I am thinking about how much she loves this little girl, to lay down her life for her. How grateful I am that she has chosen us to continue to bring this little one up in faith and grace and charity. This has truly been the most humbling experience of my life.

I also think of all the past mother’s days. The first one after we found out with some certainty that I would never have the privilege (and the pain) of bringing a child into the world sticks out in my memory. Five years ago I didn’t understand the silent and invisible pain of infertility. I understood it very well then. Today I am remembering the pain of seeing all of the new mothers and old mothers alike at church and getting the inevitable and well-intentioned questions about when we were going to “start our family”. I remember thinking how ungrateful I must be, being upset at another persons’ joy.  I cried a lot on that first mother’s day as an infertile couple and my beloved husband was a wonderful, sweet, patient shoulder to cry on

The following Mother’s Days as an infertile couple were easier, not because the sting wasn’t there, but perhaps because it wasn’t so fresh… and I decided to take my own advice and think less of myself, about my desire to have a child, and my pain. Allow me to clarify: I needed that first holiday to grieve. I felt unnecessarily guilty for that grieving, thinking that I was being selfish and that after all to have a child was not my right, children are gifts—gifts that no one deserves. But I needed—not to get over it… that will never happen—but to get past it, so that someday I could share that joy with those mothers.

Some of the best advice I received from a wonderful priest many years ago when I was frustrated with my own affairs, was to go serve the poor. Not so you can compare your life to theirs and see your blessings… because that is garbage, we all have our crosses and you cannot compare yours to anyone else’s… but rather the knowledge that the more you focus on others, the easier it is to get out of yourself. So I focused those mother’s days on making my mother-in-law’s day beautiful and make her feel appreciated (since my own mother lives so far away).  I needed to learn that lesson to become a better mother.

And now, redemption. So many things have come to light for my faith in this adoption. Trust in God, Providence, His Love for me and our family, Christian empathy… and today I think about redemptive suffering. God is not calling every couple who cannot conceive to adopt. Adoption is not the easy answer to the problem of infertility. But whereas before I thought that God was withholding the gift of children in our marriage because we lacked something, I know now with certainty that before he gave us this gift he wanted to enliven us from a place of brokenness and pain to a place of trust in him, the new realization of the love of our friends and family, and the joy of providence at work.

And now with joy and anticipation I wish you all a very happy Mother’s Day… but I am praying today for those who have not tasted the sweetness of redemption. May God bless your suffering and may you feel the consolation of His love.

And thank you for your prayers for us. We will update you soon!

Peace and Good

Jessi+ Tim